Learning the language of love

26 Jan

I was chatting the other day with a friend who is doing the marriage preparation course about what difference knowing your partner makes. I joked that although Josh and I did the marriage course, all the stuff they said went in one ear and out the other. It was only several months after we were married that we were able to look back on what they had said and realise that it actually made sense.  Even though we thought we knew each other there were lots of things still left to learn!

Rebekah, over at Life with the Edwards has been posting recently about a test which you can do to work out your love languages. I’ve heard of this before from the book the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman; it’s not just for couples, it simply shows you a little of how your mind works and sheds light on why you will react to different situations in different ways.

So, for example:
My top love language is Acts of Service. I feel loved best when people do things for me to help me out. That’s why I feel most loved and appreciated when Josh does things around the house to make me happy even though he’s not that bothered if we live in squalor a bit of a mess.

My second top was words of affirmation. That’s why I get so wound up/upset if people speak harshly to me, or don’t listen to my point of view.

Apparently we’re most likely to try and show love to others in the ways that we like to receive love [i.e service and words of affirmation], and I suppose that’s where lots of problems in relationships come. Josh’s love language is touch, but if I just did the washing up for him all the time he might not feel like I’m showing love to him, even though I think that I am. [Does that even make sense?!].

The tests aren’t just for couples, there are ones for singles, children and families too. Why not fill out these 30 quick questions to find out what your language is…and be sure to let us know in the comments!

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5 Responses to “Learning the language of love”

  1. Chloe January 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

    Quality time and physical touch! 🙂

  2. Amanda January 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    I thought I knew what it was when I started the test, but it turns out I was wrong! I guess Words of Affirmation is my language. Followed by touch and gifts. Thanks for putting this out there for us.

  3. Melissa January 27, 2011 at 5:00 am #

    I follow Rebekah & did the test too! I always thought it was quality time b/c when i don’t see my hubby enough, my heart physically aches. I have to have time w/ him! However, the test showed that Physical Touch is #1, followed closely by Words of Affirmation!

  4. Rachel January 30, 2011 at 3:41 am #

    Hi Rachel, found your blog from Marriage Confessions. So funny…I’m Rachel and my husband’s name is Josh, too! 😉
    We did the 5 Love Languages test before we got married, and we still think about it 4 1/2 years later. 🙂

  5. Thomas Ashmead January 31, 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    Quality time all the way. I guessed it would be that because my favourite thing to do is to sit in a cafe with someone and chat for hours.

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