Blog Bible Study #6

Hi BBS girls! I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already – this week has flown!

Chapter 6: A heart that follows

This is just one of those chapters that you know is going to challenge you before you even begin reading it. Submission definitely doesn’t come easy!
However, I did have a little bit of an issue with this chapter. I agreed with what she said, but I thought she was treading a fine line of getting the word ‘submit’ and ‘obey’ mixed up in her final point about responding to your husband’s words and actions positively.  I understand (and agree personally) that as women we often have a tendency to say “no” to our husbands too much, but for her to be encouraging us to always say “sure!”  to our husbands requests almost takes away the wife’s ability to think. Submission doesn’t mean that we follow our husbands on auto-pilot, as I mentioned in last chapter’s study; it’s all about team work. I realise that maybe she didn’t have time to go into all of this, but I think the woman does have an important role in advising her husband in a godly way, and the way she worded it made it sound like we just have to say yes to our husbands whatever he asks (as long as it’s not unbiblical). Maybe I’m being too harsh and nit-picking…what did you girls think?

Anyway…what does the bible say about submission?

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Titus 2:5
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives.

Choose a positive word of response – Ok! Despite my earlier point I actually I think I say no to Josh way too much. Sometimes I don’t even have a good reason to say no, but it just comes out without much thought.

Ask of each word, act, and attitude, “Am I bending or bucking?” I am a massive control freak and I’ve recently realised that I don’t really trust Josh to do things, even though he’s perfectly capable and often better than me anyway!
I really need to trust in him more in the things he does and the decisions he makes for our lives. I think that I need to think more before I answer Josh too. My immediate reaction is to buck against his suggestions, but if I train myself to keep silent and pray for God’s guidance I know that I would realise that most of the time it’s not worth kicking up a fuss!

Make a commitment to revere and respect your husband. Ask of your attitude, “Am I demonstrating respect for my husband?”
I would hope that people seeing me would think that I respect my husband, but I know I could do a lot better. I think it’s important for wives to curb their tongues because it’s very easy to nag and embarrass their husbands in public.
I also want to make more of a commitment to put Josh first and listen to him when he’s excited or upset about something rather than getting distracted by the busyness of life.

I do not give Josh enough credit for how amazing he is. He deserved my respect!

Blog Bible Study #5

Even if you’re not taking part in the Blog Bible Study and you normally skip over the ‘God stuff’ on my blog please read this post! I want to know what you think!

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Recently, lots of people have been asking me what I want to do with my future. Quite a lot of those people have looked at me a little strangely when I have replied ‘I want to be a vicar’s wife’.

This chapter (for those that haven’t been joining in) is all about how we can be servant hearted – specifically towards our husbands.

I know so many women, and a few men actually, who have huge problems with women being described as a man’s ‘helpers’ in the bible. They see that as sexist, chauvinistic and that it demeans a woman’s role in society.

I don’t know if you noticed that yesterday was International Women’s Day. Josh mentioned to me an interview he heard with a woman who was bemoaning the fact that women often have to stay home and look after children and that it was harming the advancement of women in society.

Now, I don’ t know if it’s my upbringing, my character or the fact that I’m not career driven but I can’t understand that point of view  at all. I have no problem in seeing myself as a helper to my husband. I would challenge anyone who thinks that the bible doesn’t describe the roles of men and women being equal, because it definitely does! (ask me about it in the comments if you disagree).

Anyway, sorry for the rant – but I feel quite passionately about this. I’m not a model wife by any stretch of the imagination but I do truly desire to support my husband in what he does and that’s why I describe myself as wanting to be a vicar’s wife.
You often hear horror stories about how stressful being a pastor is and how it can break apart families and marriages. I don’t want that to happen to us. I don’t want Josh to be burnt out. I want to be a support to him and create a home which he can come back to and feel loved, cherished and refreshed.

Having said that, being selfless and supporting in this way isn’t easy, and that’s where we come back to the root of this chapter.

Service

1) Make a commitment to help your husband. As I’ve already said I want to commit to serving my husband and supporting him in his role as a (trainee to be!) vicar. We’re a team and I truly believe that God has called us into this together. It may seem completely un-PC to want to be a woman who creates a home and a lifestyle which is a haven for my family and for others that are in need rather than to pursue a career, but that’s what I want to do!

2) Focus on your husband. But in reality how can I really fulfil that commitment? It’s going to be hard because it means putting Josh before myself and that just doesn’t come naturally! I guess it becomes easier when you realise each other’s gifts and see yourself as a team working towards a common goal. I would be rubbish at getting up and preaching and having to be with people all day long, and Josh’s gifts don’t lie in admin cooking and homemaking but if we work together we make up for what the other lacks.

3) Ask of your actions: Will this help or hinder my husband? I really liked this section and thought it applied to every relationship. Will what I say build up or break this person emotionally? There’s so many times that I choose to say or do something that is selfish and it isn’t helpful to Josh. I especially think it’s easy for me to nag him. Sometimes it’s okay to ask him to do something and to push him for his best – but nagging never gets anywhere.

At the end of the day if any relationship is working at its best it’s a give-give situation. Although it’s not the reason we should serve, if the relationship is working correctly both parties will be serving equally. It’s not as if the husband is constantly taking, sitting around with his feet up while his poor harassed wife runs everything. He will be loving and serving his wife to the same degree as she is helping and serving him. Like I say, it’s all about teamwork!

Even if you’re not taking part in this BBS I would love to hear your views on the role of women. Please let me know if you disagree with what I have said, I am genuinely interested in what people think!

Blog Bible Study #4

In this section titled “Two Kinds of Hearts,” we contrasted the disobedience of King Saul with the obedience of David.  Make notes on these instances of Saul’s disregard of God’s commands through His prophet Samuel. 

In 1 Samuel we read the story of Saul becoming King. Several times God gives Saul direct instructions, and several times Saul disobeys God. In 1 Samuel 13 we see that Saul disobeys out of fear. He thought his and his men’s life was in danger and assumed that he knew best; even though God had already given him clear instructions through Samuel.

As a result of this (and other) disobedience God rejected Saul as king.

The fact that you are reading this book and doing this study indicates your desire for a heart that obeys.  So…it’s time for some honest personal application and heart searching!  Can you think of any situations in your life when you are making excuses about your disobedience?  Or blaming someone else for your disobedience?  Or obeying God only halfway? 

I often justify my actions in light of how other people act. For example, if my husband is being really grumpy and frustrating I’ll consider it okay to be un-loving back! One really important thing that I have realised is that concentrating on a personal relationship with God is key. If I am taking notice of how I act in situations, aim to be Godly at all time and leave the other people up to God I automatically become less judgemental, less controlling, I take things less personally and I’m less likely to treat others badly. 

Read 1 Peter 2:1 and begin a list of heart attitudes and behaviours that hinder growing a heart of obedience.  Which, if any, are hindering the growth of your heart?
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind.

Hmmm…probably hypocrisy. I often get frustrated with people for doing things, make judgements and or say harsh things when actually I make mistakes too (shocking I know!). Just because that person has done something wrong doesn’t give me an excuse to hold a grudge. For example, my husband is amazing. He helps me round the house loads and he’s really romantic. But sometimes I just snap at him because I’ve had a busy day and I think that he should have had time to do some chore or another. However, I need to keep it in perspective. He’s had a busy day too…and everyone sometimes has quiet days where the chores don’t get done.

Read 1 Peter 2:2, Ephesians 4:15-32, and Colossians 3:1-17, for heart attitudes and behaviours that enrich your life as a Christian.  What one or two areas would you like to cultivate?

Therefore,as God’s chosen people clothe yourself  with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
That sounds like the woman I would like to be!

This week has been crazy for me, so I’m sorry I haven’t done all the questions today but I have really liked this chapter. I’ve been especially challenged about not sinning even when other people provoke me. It’s not an excuse.