Learning the language of love

I was chatting the other day with a friend who is doing the marriage preparation course about what difference knowing your partner makes. I joked that although Josh and I did the marriage course, all the stuff they said went in one ear and out the other. It was only several months after we were married that we were able to look back on what they had said and realise that it actually made sense.  Even though we thought we knew each other there were lots of things still left to learn!

Rebekah, over at Life with the Edwards has been posting recently about a test which you can do to work out your love languages. I’ve heard of this before from the book the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman; it’s not just for couples, it simply shows you a little of how your mind works and sheds light on why you will react to different situations in different ways.

So, for example:
My top love language is Acts of Service. I feel loved best when people do things for me to help me out. That’s why I feel most loved and appreciated when Josh does things around the house to make me happy even though he’s not that bothered if we live in squalor a bit of a mess.

My second top was words of affirmation. That’s why I get so wound up/upset if people speak harshly to me, or don’t listen to my point of view.

Apparently we’re most likely to try and show love to others in the ways that we like to receive love [i.e service and words of affirmation], and I suppose that’s where lots of problems in relationships come. Josh’s love language is touch, but if I just did the washing up for him all the time he might not feel like I’m showing love to him, even though I think that I am. [Does that even make sense?!].

The tests aren’t just for couples, there are ones for singles, children and families too. Why not fill out these 30 quick questions to find out what your language is…and be sure to let us know in the comments!

My husband…

Most of the time I post goofy pictures of my husband on this site.

If you don’t know him, I guess you pretty much think of him as a freak.

Oh wait…you do know him and you still think he is a freak?
Hmmm….how unfourtunate.

Anyway…when Josh works a Saturday lunch time I will often end up meeting him and the residents in town. I love it because I get to see a whole different side to my husband, and it makes me go weak at the knees.

You see, Josh works in a care home for people with learning difficulties. He works in a house which has seven residents ranging in age from mid-twenties to the gentleman he is key worker for in his mid-sixties.
I have so much admiration for people who can do this kind of job. I love hanging out with them, but I really would find it so hard to do it full time.

Josh on the other hand is absolutely great with them. He’s taken the time to learn sign language so he can quickly communicate with the resident who is deaf and mute, he teases and messes around with them all to make them laugh, he’s gentle and polite with the ladies, but at the same time he’s strict with them all and makes sure they don’t misbehave. He knows what they’re buying and how much they have had to eat and he watches out for them in the little things to make sure they’re not hurting themselves.

I really love this caring aspect of Josh’s personality. It’s the same when he always looks out for homeless people, or other randoms that he can help, while always keeping an eye out to make sure that I am safe.

Josh, thank you for working hard to provide for us. I appreciate you caring for me and caring for others. You’re great.

Ask Josh ANYTHING!

I was lying in bed this morning thinking that although I have been writing about Josh on this blog for two and a half years he has never written anything for Dreaming of the Country himself.

 

Well…all that is about to change

In honour of valentines day I am allowing you all to find out more about my other half. For the next five days you can

Leave questions in the comment section or email me and on Friday Josh will bare all his deepest darkest secrets (and probably a few about me too knowing him).

But, only if you ask him…

…so go on. What are you waiting for?

Sweetness

My husband is lovely because he buys my gifts when he knows I’ve had a hard day at work.

 

My husband is lovely because he wraps and disguises his presents so I won’t guess what they are.

 

My husband is lovely because he listens to his crazy wife complaining that the little pink toy with a long nose in the window of the charity shop looks lonely…every time they walk by.

 

My husband is lovely because he is willing to go into the charity shop and buy it even though it’s a toy and it can’t actually be lonely…

 

…just to make his wife smile

Erm…Six Fact Saturday?!

I had a sneaking suspicion my five fact Fridays wouldn’t hold out! I didn’t post yesterday because I felt like my week had been quiet. Work has been ridiculously slow because my boss is away in Africa, and I didn’t want to bore you with the trivial.

However, I have just been reading back over the last six months of blog entries and have just realised afresh how much I appreciate keeping a blog! I have been giggling away about memories I have recorded and photos that we have shared. I know there was a big gap in the middle where I hardly blogged at all, and I feel like a lot of people (understandably) stopped reading then – but I have decided that even if no-one is reading this I’m still going to keep recording my day-to-day activities because it’s good to remember for ME.

Oh, wait! Grr. This is meant to be a fact post…Okay…

1. My week has been quiet and work has been boring!

2. I really appreciate my blog and even though no one reads it, I will still keep posting.

3. I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy at the moment! This year has been so great so far! Even though life is quiet we have still done a lot of nice, relaxing things. I am cooking and baking again (new recipe to come soon), I am taking photos and I have spent some quality time with my wonderful friends and my lovely husband…

4. …who by the way bought me flowers AND took me out on a surprise restaurant date this week! Either he has smashed something that he hasn’t told me about yet OR he is a looovelly and marriage is fab! (Yes, I like the second option best too)

 

5. We have watched two great films this week. We went to the cinema to watch Sherlock Holmes on Wednesday which was a really good film (although it’s rated 12a and I thought it was a bit freaky at times!). We also watched My Sisters Keeper which was really well made too. I like how Nick Cassavetes deals with real life issues (like Alzheimer’s and cancer), but doesn’t focus on it – making the people and the family ties the thing that you really remember from the story.

 

6. A lady from church just bought me a surprise present! It’s a really soft bunny which you warm in the microwave and it smells like lavender. It was a total surprise and such a kind gesture! HAPPY!

Just out of interest, if you are still reading why not comment so I know you’re still around!?

Making more effort

I’ve been thinking about what I mentioned in my Five Facts Friday post about keeping my house clean being my New Year’s resolution. I’ve come to the conclusions that it’s not strictly true. What I should have said is that my New Year’s resolution is to make more effort.

Let me explain.

2009 for us was a rollercoaster year. We had some exciting times and have made some great memories. However, the year also contained a little more disappointment and uncertainty than you generally hope for. I finished the year feeling completely exhausted and despondent.

Nevertheless, after a great two week break for Christmas I felt refreshed and ready to go again. I looked forward to getting up in the morning and felt like I had my creativity back.

It made me realise that the reason I felt so down was partly because I was just really tired, and not because the whole world was crashing down around me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t just lying on the sofa, wallowing in a pit of despair all the time BUT I realised that this year I need to make more effort to be happy, trust God, enjoy where we are and make memories, whatever is going on outside of our control.

So, even though I might be exhausted from rushing around doing a million different things I will still make more effort to do all those little jobs round the house before they turn into big jobs. It might be an effort at the time but I know that I will be much calmer, happier and a better wife if the house is ordered and tidy (I’m OCD like that).

 

Even though our jobs might conspire against Josh and I spending much time together I will make more effort to make the times we do spent together special, even if that means cooking when we don’t feel like it or playing a game together instead of just slobbing out in front of a film.

And all those other little things like exercising, exploring our surrounding area, driving, doing crafts and hosting dinner parties that can just get swept under the carpet with the busyness of life, I want to make more effort to live each day as it comes, enjoy the small things and serve God in every way I can. I want to make memories every day, rather than be looking into the future for the memories we will make then.

So, that is that. What are you resolutions and how are you keeping to them?

Introducing Keith

I am pleased to welcome a very special guest to Dreaming of the Country today.

Meet Keith

Keith is my big brother and that’s why I can get away with posting pictures like this of him. It’s a little sister’s prerogative to be annoying after all.

Keith is a great brother, and he’s also a great pastor of a church in North London. Josh and I were so pleased that Keith agreed to conduct our wedding for us, and he delivered one of the best wedding sermons I have ever heard. I’m not just saying that because I’m biased (or because it included eating KFC in the middle of a wedding service), but because I can still remember every point clearly, and all the advice was great.

Anyway…over to Keith…

I guess we all judge success differently: some of us are much harder on ourselves than others, some have greater aims than others. But in the blogging world how do you know ‘you’ve arrived’? I reckon it’s when you’re invited to write a guest entry on your little sisters blog. If you follow Rachel’s blog closely you will no doubt be aware that there is quite a long list of things that she has promised to blog on at some point – but never seems to get round to it. So when a recent entry had a reference to the sermon I gave at their wedding, with the promise of a future blog on the topic – I thought I’d get in there first. This fast food guide to marriage can be read alongside Mrs. M’s Marriage Tips.

 

1) Fish and Chips – Feelings and Choices: Love is a choice and not just a feeling. Love means that I will choose to act a certain way even if I don’t feel like it.

2) Burger King – Bedtime Kiss: There is a verse in the Bible that says we should not let the sun go down while we’re still angry. In a marriage it is important to say sorry, and to put things right quickly – certainly by bedtime at the latest. Going to bed with your relationship right is more important than winning the argument.

3) Pizza Hut – Practical Help: Marriage is a partnership in which both partners must play their part – and this doesn’t involve watching TV while your partner does all the cooking, cleaning and ironing!

4) KFC – Kindness, Forgiveness, Compassion: Be Kind – may seem an obvious piece of advice but how often when we open our mouths do we forget? When Jesus had compassion it led to action, and when we see each other in need it should spur us to action. A marriage (or any other relationship) without forgiveness is never going to work, because we all make mistakes and we need to be ready to forgive and to be forgiven.

Well – Rach and Josh – congratulations on 2 years. Good to know that after more than 17544 hours you remember something I said. Thanks for inviting me to write, and if anyone is interested, drop in and feed the fish at www.milkandnosugar.blogspot.com

Mrs M’s Marriage Tips

Now that Josh and I have been married for two years I don’t think that the term ‘newlyweds’ really refers to us anymore.

Perhaps now we have been married for 104 weeks, people will stop giving up that ‘oh aren’t they cute and young’ look and saying “soooo….how’s married life then?!”

Now that I have been a Mrs for over 731 days I thought that maybe I now qualify to crinkle my nose in a companionable way and to give some unsolicited advice of my own.

So, here we have it. For all my just married, or soon to be married friends here’s Mrs M’s top 5 marriage tips;

1. Girls, guard your socks. Might sound weird but it just needs a man to mistake your sock for theirs one time and their great oaf feet will stretch it out of all proportion. Or you could only buy pink sparkly socks, that could work.

2. It might take you a while [read: a year] to get used to the fact that there is MAN sleeping in your bed at night, but don’t worry – one day you’ll come to appreciate exchanging foot fives before you go to sleep.

3. Unfortunately saying “FINE, we’re made up” doesn’t really count as an argument ender (or an apology).

4. It’s always better to laugh than cry. Washing machine just exploded? Car broken down in the middle of a roundabout? If something stressful is going down or you’re just getting worked up try and put it into perspective. Is it really worth having an argument over? Could this be turned into a happy memory just by laughing?

5. Always remember that marriage is made up of Fish and Chips* Feelings and Choices. When Josh and I were dating I knew I wanted to be with him forever because even when I imagined a future without him I would suddenly stop short and think ‘Oh, if Josh wasn’t around I couldn’t tell him that’. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill him sometimes, but I’ve made that choice to share my future with him and that means whatever our problems are, we face them together instead of letting them get between us. Once you have decided that, nothing seems so hard.

Well, that’s all from Mrs M today…I guess now that I have been married for about 17544 hours I just get to look forward to the “so when are you going to have kids?” comments!

*It’s from our wedding sermon. A post for another day perhaps?